Wed. May 27th, 2020

Lockdown Ideas For Your BDSM Dynamic

When a couple (or D/s dynamic) decides to try a long-distance relationship, or in our case, a relationship during a lockdown, it can be difficult to keep the excitement and enthusiasm in their lives without a certain amount of creativity.

When a couple (or D/s dynamic) decides to try a long-distance relationship, or in our case, a relationship during a lockdown, it can be difficult to keep the excitement and enthusiasm in their lives without a certain amount of creativity.

This is a challenge that long-distance couples in the BDSM community have to overcome as well, and thankfully, it can be fun to come up with creative ideas that strengthen your relationship despite the lockdown!

1. Make Full Use of Texting, Videos, and Photos:

When you can’t physically be together, and your dynamic includes a sexual aspect, technology is your friend. Getting a notification and knowing it might be a photo or video builds excitement! Getting on camera and masturbating together makes the experience feel more real and can make for a memorable experience. For example, a Dom could text the sub that they have to send them a picture of themselves tied up, and then when they receive the picture they can tell the sub a story of how they would run a feather over their body while they’re restrained. Words are an important tool of love and communication allows couples to keep their relationship alive both sexually and emotionally.

2. Orgasm Control

For some BDSM relationships, orgasm control or denial is a good way to dominate a partner. With a long-distance relationship, it means partners can control each other’s orgasms as a method of building anticipation. By telling the sub they aren’t allowed to cum for a certain amount of time, they are setting them up for a reward or punishment. This power-play is part of the dynamic that drives D/s relationships.

Tips: It’s possible to make your sex machine with some simple gadgets, such as getting a sex cushion and then attached a dildo or a G-spot vibrator. Use your imagination, there is no limit…

3. Setting Up Tasks For Your Partner

A fun activity couples in long-distance relationships that don’t have any sexual aspects to their relationships, is to try having the partner who is dominating the other give the submissive partner special tasks to do. This can have potential consequences for the submissive partner if they fail to complete the task, or rewards if they complete it. An example of a task a dominant could tell a submissive to do could be to wear certain clothing items or to do research on certain topics. If the couple is interested in orgasm denial, the submissive could be given the task of not having an orgasm for a certain period, and the punishment for breaking the rule could be that the sub has to spank themselves in a video for the dom.

The only limit is one’s imagination, and the desire for the dom’s approval and expectation of reward or punishment helps keep the couple excited!

4. Self Bondage

In some BDSM relationships, bondage is a great tool to exert control or allow yourself to relinquish it, and long-distance relationships are no exception. The tricky part is, of course, that the dom is not physically there to tie up the sub. That doesn’t mean that the sub can’t create a tantalizing bondage display to show their Dom, and create anticipation for a meetup. The Dom can guide the sub in the process, or they can do it on their own as a surprise.

When practising bondage, it’s very important to consider safety and not attempt anything too difficult for the couple’s experience level. Using soft rope material and learning sturdy knot techniques that are easy to undo is a great way to start.

5. Remote Controlled Vibrators 

Technology is always advancing and sexual technology is no different. Nowadays, vibrators can be purchased that connect to smartphones, so the dom can control the vibrator from great distances. This allows for many exciting scenarios. The sub could wear the vibrator while out for the day while the Dom controls it at-will, meaning the sub will be getting unsuspected vibrations and orgasms to try (maybe unsuccessfully) to keep quiet.

6. Planning a Meet-up

When in a long-distance relationship, it’s important to keep goals in mind. Keeping your next meet up in mind helps build anticipation and keep the relationship exciting. Building tension is key to having an amazing experience when you get to see each other next, and discussing what you would like to do with each other is a great way to build that tension.

An example of something that could be planned for a meet-up could be that the sub is a piece of clothing that the dom sent them. Coming up with ideas together helps you to explore your fantasies and get to know each other’s expectations for the meet-up. 

7. Sending Gifts

Reward is important in a BDSM relationship, and one way to do this is with gifts. Sending a gift to a sub, such as a collar, lingerie, or something sentimental to remind them of the dom is a good way to show love and appreciation, as well as set up new scenarios. The sub could be expected to send a picture wearing the new clothing, or for them to use the new sex toy sent to them during a masturbation session. Gifts sent as rewards for completing tasks are encouraging because caring and showing reciprocation is sexy! Little reminders of affection help keep any relationship alive and are especially considerate when partners are away and missing each other.

8. Aftercare is As Important for Long-Distance BDSM

In any BDSM relationship, aftercare is a step to never be overlooked and long-distance BDSM relationships are no exception. Aftercare is making sure that emotions are being looked after and all parties feel safe and taken care of. While aftercare can include cuddling and physical closeness, this can be tricky for long-distance couples. An idea for long-distance couples engaging in BDSM is to have a comfort item for the sub from the dom, such as a stuffed animal or blanket (if you don’t lose it like I did), as a representation of cuddling and closeness. It’s important to provide physical comfort. For example, if you ordered your sub to execute a harsh self-spanking. It could be better if you send your sub some thick cream or massage oil in advance for curing the bruise. Checking on the sub frequently and making sure they’re okay for a little while after the experience is also a very good idea, as someone can say that feel fine afterwards but need a little reassurance later. For example, after a video BDSM practice, don’t hang up right after the publishment, talk to your sub to calm him/her down and ensure your sub that love and care is always there for him/her. 

FINAL THOUGHTS

While being in a long-distance relationship presents its challenges, it is still possible to keep the spark alive with enough imagination and the determination to make it work. BDSM has such a huge variety of possibilities that it can spice up a long-distance relationship when practised safely. By communicating with each other and exploring each other’s fantasies, couples can enjoy BDSM in a long-distance relationship and allow it to bring them closer both physically and emotionally.

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